Chronicles of a [Once] Chubby Chick: Validation WHY The Need?





A man friend asked me, “Why did you lose weight?”

I had NEVER been asked, “WHY did you lose weight?”

I have only been asked HOW.


My answer was running through my mind:

Once upon a time,
I was in college with the above question-asking-man.  


It was unbeknown to him, but I was tired of hearing our mutual female friend tell me how much HE wanted HER. That he was in HOT pursuit trying to get with her, ask her out and she used him to make another guy she was "into" jealous....
Our friend had full knowledge that I (at one time) really liked this guy....And unless a crush is decades old I assume many will always have a soft spot for someone they find attractive...



She enjoyed voicing that he wanted her while at the same time that backhandedly implied he did not want me. I would have been happy for them if she really liked him and wanted to “get serious,” but considering the context of her “using” him she could have just kept that to herself and never mentioned any of it to me.

Nevertheless, she had no concern for voicing her male validation. Regardless of who the man wanted, hearing a female brag about how desired she is by yet another man is the furthest thing from validating her FRIEND...


SOME women need to act like the above scenario in combination with their already insecure need for male validation. When these validation hungry women are presented with another woman that doesn't give it up easy, make out madly.  The validation hungry woman does not know how to act. The only thing she knows is how to validate herself again through finding another man and making sure she feels more desired than at least one other woman. 


She would die of confusion if a man desired a slightly quiet girl, who prefers water over a beer or Patron...

I lost the weight because unlike so many woman that receive validation based on their great looks I was only given the validating type of attention by the men that NO woman wanted and that many women would drench with pepper spray.

****
I see my journey as a blessing now. While most women need a man to complete them or a man to validate them, I had to cope with my lack of male validation and create a self validating approach through making sure everyone around me felt beautiful for more than their looks and body (if they were respectful). I felt great when the people around me felt empowered and beautiful.


Now, of course, I fully enjoy when a man gives me attention...But I don’t give him “the look” or get flirty because I never learned or had  any indication that a man wanted me to.



I chuckle to myself remembering a time when I was practically invisible, but I am thankful because I know that gave me time to work on myself fully and I now  have more to offer than my body, hair and need to party hard.



I know there are other women out there like me as well and we all just have to find a man that appreciates our “type” instead.

My step by step validation process is up next.

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